Breakups are an inevitable part of life, yet they often leave us feeling heartbroken, a bit lost, and unsure of how to move forward. Whether you were the one to initiate the split, or you were on the receiving end of the news, the emotions that follow can feel incredibly overwhelming at first - especially when the break up is still fresh. 

The period after a breakup is a time of profound change for anyone. Familiar routines, shared dreams and intimate connections are suddenly altered, leaving a void that can feel impossible to fill. 

As a therapist offering both couples therapy and individual therapy, I have worked with many people going through relationship difficulties and breakups, and I understand the pain and confusion that comes with these difficult times. 

Breaking up with a loved one can trigger a rollercoaster of emotions, from anger and resentment to grief and longing, both for the person and the life you’d built together. It can also shake our sense of self, leaving us questioning our worth, our choices, and our ability to love and be loved. 

If you are currently going through a breakup or you are thinking about breaking up with your partner, I am here to help explain how therapy might help. 

Why is it so difficult to break up with someone?

Ending a relationship, whether that’s with a partner or a friend, can be incredibly challenging - even if it’s no longer serving us. Fear of hurting the other person, worrying about being alone, or feeling guilty can all make the act of breaking up feel difficult. 

With close relationships, there’s often a sense of loyalty, shared history, and intertwined lives that make deciding to break up feel incredibly weighty. We may also fear the unknown, wondering what life will look like without this person and how we'll navigate the challenges ahead.

Why am I struggling to end a relationship?

If you're finding it difficult to end a relationship, I would recommend exploring the reasons behind your hesitation. Perhaps you are holding onto hope that things could improve, or maybe you're afraid of the consequences of leaving. 

Many also struggle with low self-esteem or a fear of being alone, which can lead them to stay in relationships they’re not truly happy in. Understanding the underlying reasons for your doubt can help you make a decision that’s aligned with your needs and values. 

If you’re feeling unsure about whether ending the relationship is truly the right decision, you may find couples therapy helpful to gain clarity and explore possibilities for moving forward together. 

Can a breakup cause attachment issues?

Breakups can certainly trigger or exacerbate attachment issues. When relationships end, the attachment bond we’ve formed with our partner is disrupted.

This can lead to feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and fear of abandonment, especially for those with already insecure attachment styles. To move forward, you should acknowledge and address your attachment issues so that you can start to heal. 

What do attachment issues feel like?

Attachment issues can manifest in different ways, depending on the person and their individual circumstances. In a relationship, you may experience intense anxiety when separated from your partner, constantly feeling worried about being abandoned. This can also lead to trust issues, which can make connecting with others feel more difficult. 

On the other hand, you may find yourself clinging to unhealthy relationships or avoiding intimacy altogether. These patterns often stem from early childhood experiences and trauma and can significantly impact our relationships as adults. 

Can you go to couples therapy after breaking up?

Though couples therapy is typically sought before a breakup, they can also be helpful afterwards, especially when there are other factors to consider, such as shared children. Couples therapy after a breakup can be beneficial if you’re hoping to reconcile or finding it difficult to gain closure and understanding. 

Relationship therapy is a safe space to communicate openly, process your emotions and explore the underlying issues that may have contributed to you and your partner’s breakup. It’s also a good way to learn from the experience and develop healthier communication patterns for your future relationships. 

How can I process a relationship breakup?

Processing a breakup requires time, self-compassion, and, for many, professional support. Offering therapy in Cheshire and via Zoom, I provide a safe and supportive environment for you to explore your emotions, understand the dynamics of your relationship and develop coping strategies with which to move forward. 

My Person-Centred Approach can be particularly helpful in this process, as it emphasises acceptance, empathy and a non-judgmental approach in which you can fully express your feelings and gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs. 

For individuals looking to process the emotional pain and trauma associated with the breakdown of a relationship, EMDR therapy can also be beneficial, as this can help to desensitise and reprocess painful memories, allowing you to move forward with greater ease. 

How long does it take to feel better after a breakup?

Unfortunately, you can’t set a timeline for healing after a breakup (though I’m sure we all wish we could!). Healing is a unique journey for everyone, and it’s often not linear. The time it takes to feel better can vary depending on the length and intensity of your relationship, the circumstances in which you’ve broken up, and the coping mechanisms you are using. 

During the healing process, it’s very important to be patient with yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve, try not to rush yourself, and seek support when you feel that you need it. 

What are the 5 stages of breakup grief?

It’s completely normal to experience feelings of grief during and after a breakup - not just for the person but for the life you led together. Whilst everyone will experience grief differently, it can be helpful to understand the five common stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

The initial moments after your breakup, you may find yourself in denial, struggling to believe that your relationship is over. This can be followed by feelings of anger, typically directed towards your ex, yourself or the situation as a whole. 

The bargaining stage may involve attempts to reconcile (whether it is right to or not) or make deals to avoid the pain of the breakup. 

As the reality of the breakup sinks in, you may experience depression - feelings of sadness, hopelessness and loss, making you want to withdraw from loved ones and hide away. But, as time goes by, acceptance emerges as you come to terms with the situation and begin to rebuild your life. 

As I mentioned earlier, healing is not linear, and neither are the stages of grief. You may find that you move back and forth between them as you heal, and that’s okay. 

Counselling for couples and individuals

If you're struggling to cope with a breakup or if you're experiencing challenges in your relationship, please don't hesitate to reach out. 

I offer therapy in Cheshire at my clinic near Warrington and online sessions via Zoom, both of which are available for individuals and couples. My sessions are a safe and supportive space for you to develop your emotions, gain insights into your relationship patterns and develop strategies for healing and growth.