Do you find it difficult to set healthy boundaries?As you may know, boundaries are essential for keeping relationships healthy and balanced. They also allow you to stay comfortable and happy in all social situations. However, setting boundaries is often easier said than done. If you've never witnessed effective boundary setting or you've never had to worry about putting boundaries in place before, you may find yourself in some conflicted scenarios.Remember, it's okay if you lack the confidence on how to set boundaries with people at this point. This blog is designed to guide and educate you on the importance of boundaries and why you should learn your own way to sustain solid bonds and always stay safe.

How to set better boundaries.

Firstly, let's take a look at how to identify your boundaries. It's important to note that boundaries only appear when we tune into our thoughts and emotions. For instance, when you're with a certain someone, do you feel comfortable and content in their presence? Through tapping into your intuition in such scenarios, you'll be able to establish whether or not you'd like to spend more or less time with this person or if their actions or words make you feel uneasy. If they do, now would be the best time to set a boundary, whether that's by ensuring you never spend time with them completely alone or cutting contact altogether.While this may sound harsh, it is important that you do what's best for you and your mental health. However, there are ways to set boundaries gently to avoid causing offence or an unwanted divide in the relationship. Simply communicating with them is the best way to do this; you can even ask a friend to be there if this would make it an easier conversation.

Keep practising, and you will improve.

Even if you haven't had previous experience setting boundaries, it's never too late to do so. To make it less daunting, start with small situations and build them up slowly. For instance, asking a colleague if they'd stop discussing a topic with you as it makes you feel uncomfortable. Remember, boundaries need time to develop, so by starting with the minor topics, you can then work on further issues when the relationship strengthens. Never pressure yourself to set a boundary - it should be done at your own pace by creating a framework that works for you. While you need to be clear when communicating with that person, you will also want to adapt how you set a boundary depending on your relationship with them. But having an idea of how you'll address any type of boundary will always help you in the long run.

What are the benefits of setting better boundaries?

Avoid burnout.

An often looked-past benefit to setting boundaries is avoiding burnout. Burnout, often associated with work-related stress, can leave you feeling unappreciated, dreading what's on your calendar and lacking the motivation to get up in the morning. By setting boundaries, such as confiding in your manager about your workload or highlighting a toxic culture in the workplace, will hopefully lead to changes being made, alleviating you from such stress. And you will avoid further unhappiness in your work life down the line.

Build self-esteem.

It can also improve how you perceive yourself. Unfortunately, if you have poor boundary-setting standards, you may lack the confidence or self-esteem to voice your opinions or feelings, which can be seen as a much deeper problem. Therefore, by setting boundaries with others as well as focusing on the way that you treat yourself, you can harness productive interpersonal relationships. As a result, you will build on your self-esteem. The same can be said for your physical and emotional boundaries. For example, if someone invades your personal space, you should clearly communicate with them in the moment. Not only will they most likely apologise and take a step back, but they'll learn this boundary for future situations. As a result of any boundary that you set, you are prioritising your needs, worth and value, which will only improve the way that you perceive yourself in the long term.

Create understanding.

Mutual understanding is key to sustaining any relationship. By understanding others and their needs, they will hopefully do the same for you in return. And this is the same with boundaries; learning and interpreting their boundaries will encourage them to do the same, building a much stronger connection. A great example would be if your partner feels uncomfortable being on social media, you must refrain from oversharing your relationship online. You are then respectful of one another when setting clear boundaries. However, if you end up disagreeing on a certain topic, explain why you require this boundary set. If that person still decides to ignore it, that is when an intervention needs to be had to discuss whether your relationship is viable.

Develop independence.

Last but certainly not least, setting boundaries allows you to develop your independence. Independence is required in many elements of life. Romantic relationships have the best chances of staying strong and healthy if you both enjoy your independence as well as being in a partnership. Being independent can also help you feel more self-confident and stronger and allow you to have better control over who you are and who you want to be. By setting boundaries, you are considering your mind, opinions and comfort levels, allowing you to continue growing into your own person.As you communicate your thoughts and feelings effectively, you are proving your independence. With this newfound independence, you will have a clearer outlook on others' opinions and be able to see things from their point of view.

Need further guidance?

Do you know how to set up boundaries? Boundaries allow us to understand one another and ourselves; therefore, it's wise to implement them to ensure that you don't lose sight of your self-worth or what a good relationship entails. If this process feels out of reach, therapy can help teach you how to set effective boundaries. This is done by a therapist who develops an understanding of your needs, limitations and priorities and works with you to configure boundary-setting techniques that enable you to stay comfortable and confident. As a person-centred counsellor based in Warrington, Cheshire, I have a wealth of experience in helping all my clients find the right solutions for them. If you would like to learn more about how I work - or want to book a session - please visit my website, and let's get you on the road to recovery.