Have you ever experienced someone calling you crazy or too sensitive? Or has someone questioned your recollection of events? If you have experienced this or something similar, you may have been gaslighted. Although this is commonly discussed in relationships and even in work settings, many people don’t know what it actually is or how to tell if they have been manipulated.Below I have created a comprehensive guide about gaslighting, including everything you must know and how to respond and recover.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a type of psychological abuse in which someone questions your sanity, perception of reality, and memories. Gaslighting is a term that has been thrown around pretty frequently, and it is being mentioned in the media more and more. But sadly, many individuals who experience this type of behaviour are unaware that they are being manipulated until they leave the relationship and get some space.Often feeling anxious and confused, another common emotion felt by anyone who has been gaslighted is that they can’t trust themselves.Gaslighting can occur in multiple ways, including when someone questions your memory or pretends not to understand your conversation. Moreover, if someone changes a discussion’s topic by questioning your credibility, this can also be seen as a form of gaslighting. It is not a behaviour that is reserved for personal relationships either, and it can be present in professional settings too.

Common signs of gaslighting.

People who gaslight others usually want to feel as though they have control over the other person. It often starts small by breaking down your self-confidence gradually and making you feel that your memory is untrustworthy. At worst, gaslighting can increase how much you depend on and trust the abusive person. It is often used to make people feel trapped and unimportant, thus strengthening the abusers' power over them.Gaslighting more often works gradually. One of the most significant signs of a gaslighter is that the person will gain your trust and develop a relationship first. Then he or she will start suggesting that you are forgetful, unreliable, or even mentally unstable. This is especially damaging for those with low self-esteem as they can quickly find themselves feeling reliant upon the other person.To avoid this, it's important to fully understand and recognise the signs of gaslighting early on in relationships. Here are some of the most common symptoms of gaslighting that you must know:

•       Hearing consistent negative accounts of your performance and behaviour,
•       Feeling uncertainty about your perceptions and beliefs,
•       Being questioned if you remember everything correctly on a regular basis,
•       Feeling incompetent, worthless, and unconfident,
•       Defending the behaviour of an abusive person to others,
•       Hearing untrue and damaging gossip about you,
•       Being missed from the events you should be a part of.

Understanding the signs of gaslighting can help you to recover from it effectively and quickly. The first challenge when recovering from being gaslighted is acknowledging that it happened and that it is not your fault.

How to recover from gaslighting effectively?

If you have been gaslighted, the first step is acceptance and forgiveness. You must accept that it happened and forgive yourself for any negative feelings you have around your inability to recognise it sooner. Many of my clients have been trapped in relationships for years, and even decades, while being gaslighted, and it is important that you realise that you are not responsible or foolish for not recognising the situation sooner. When you are with someone who is gaslighting you, it can be incredibly difficult to realise what they are doing.Then, you must start finding ways to recover from it as quickly as possible. Rebuilding your confidence is key. No matter how long you have been subjected to gaslighting, it will take time to fully recover and start trusting your own judgement and memory again. Seeking support is vital and can improve your journey to recovery.

Get the proper support with therapy.

Once you have determined your gaslighting situation, you can focus on getting the proper support in place. Gaslighting, at times, can become abusive and severe. Emotional abuse is hard to confront. Talking with a therapist is always a good step as they can help you to resolve the complex emotions you are feeling and better process what you have been through.As an experienced therapist in Warrington, I can offer you professional support. Together, we can manage your thoughts, regain your confidence, focus on your self-care, and better understand the situation you have been through, which then allows for the healing to begin.

Final Thoughts

Gaslighting is a serious form of abuse and can lead to a variety of difficult situations, such as isolation, loneliness, low self-worth and even suicidal thoughts. However, you don’t have to deal with these complex emotions alone. During my time as a counsellor, I have provided professional guidance and support to a wide variety of individuals and am confident that I can help you recover. Together, you can learn how to overcome an abusive situation, rebuild your confidence and life, and start respecting and loving yourself again. Get in touch today to learn more about my online and in-person therapy sessions.